


Monster

by jo19844_twfic



Series: Season 1 missing scene fiction [4]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Episode: s01e04 Cyberwoman, M/M, Missing Scene, janto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-21 01:05:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4809056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jo19844_twfic/pseuds/jo19844_twfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing scene fiction 1x04</p><p>When all the others have gone home, Jack finds Ianto in the basement cleaning the mess he has created.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monster

Heavy footsteps reverberated around the room and the door slammed to a close as Jack walked into the basement. He stood just in front of the large wooden doors and put his hands in his pockets, looking down sternly at the Welshman who was on his knees, desperately trying to scrub the stone floor. He pitied him, although he didn’t want to admit it; his clothes were covered in a watered down version of blood, his fingers were red raw and must have been numb judging by the length of time he had been scrubbing. His brow had a smear of blood, probably transferred from his gloves and his eyes were red and puffy. He had never seen Ianto Jones look so broken.

Without a word Ianto stood up, peeling the gloves away from his hands. He threw them down into the bucket and stood up, feeling the presence of another person behind him. Ianto knew who it was, there was nobody else it could be other than Jack; the others had gone home some time ago and only the two of them remained. They stood alone in the room for a moment, a deafening silence falling between them like a veil of darkness, neither of them able to find any words. 

“Why?”

Jack's question was simple, one word that spoke a thousand more and Ianto closed his eyes as soon as he heard it. His voice echoed harshly through the cold basement storage room, bouncing off the walls several times before sinking into the stone. The room returned to eerie silence and Ianto concentrated on dismantling the conversion unit that lay in half-assembled pieces on the floor. The blood stains on the ground had refused to fade no matter how many times he had scrubbed them, clinging to the stone as a reminder from the night before.

Ianto held a piece of the unit in his hands and looked at it for a moment before throwing it onto the floor. He knew the answer, but he didn’t want to speak; Ianto just wanted to be alone, he needed to be left alone to clear up his mess.

“After everything that you've done you could at least answer my question.” Jack stepped into the room a little, his voice eerily calm. “I deserve that, don’t I?”

“I loved her,” Ianto said simply. “I would have done anything for her.”

“You knew she couldn't be fixed, deep down you _knew_.” Jack picked up a smashed picture frame from the ground and looked at the image; it was the same as the one in Ianto’s flat, with that smile he had never seen “You talked to me like she wasn't coming back.”

“It didn't stop me trying.” 

“You told me _so_ much. You lied _so_ many times and you didn't even flinch.” He threw the frame onto the pile of dismantled metal pieces and listened to the sound reverberations, waiting for them to settle back to silence. “No guilt, no shame, nothing. I trusted you and you lied to me without a second thought.”

“I was used to it.” Ianto’s voice remained even, his numbness breaking through his words. “You lie every day for so long and it just becomes habit; it almost becomes the truth.” Ianto turned to face him, but didn't raise his eyes. “I don't expect you to forgive me.”

 

“I can forgive lies,” Jack said. “Lies are easy. God know’s I haven’t been truthful about everything. You lied because you thought it was necessary. It was out of love for someone, metal monster or not, and you did something that I could imagine myself doing when I didn't know any better.”

Ianto didn’t say anything; he just stared down at the destruction, listening to Jack’s footsteps as he walked around. He couldn’t bear to look at him, he didnt even want to be in the same space, but it was clear he wasn’t going away.

“Lies are pretty easy to forgive when they have a purpose and I can only hope that you've learnt from this experience.” Jack avoided Ianto's gaze when he finally raised his eyes to look at him, then turned away. He took a step back, looking at the remains of the conversion unit. “You hid things from me and that's easy to forget because God knows I'm hiding things from you that you can't even imagine. But I can't forgive everything.”

“I don’t expect you to,” Ianto said simply. “I can’t even forgive myself.”

“You know what hurts more than the lies?” He didn't wait for an answer. “ I trusted you and you betrayed me. And your betrayal is worse than anything that any of the others could ever do to me because it was about more than hiding a cyberwoman in my basement.”

 

“Jack--” Ianto tried to stop him; he knew where the conversation was going.

 

“Was anything between us actually real?” Jack's tone was sharp and cut through the air like a blade. He looked at the other man from across the room, edging closer with every breath. He concentrated his icy glare onto Ianto's guilty eyes, hurt burning through his gaze. “What was I to you? An excuse, an alibi, or just someone to fulfil your needs?”

“It's wasn’t like that.” He averted his eyes back to the ground, blocking out Jack's hard questioning glare. “Nothing between us was fake, not a word, not a kiss, not a touch. I almost wish it was.”

“Did you think that it would stop me from wondering why you were always here?” Jack asked. “Maybe you thought that I would just presume you were here to enjoy the attention, but all that time you were here because of your duty to her, not to me.” Jack licked his lips and let a hard sigh escape. “Did you even have _any_ attraction to me or was it just an act to help you get what you want?”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“No?” Jack's voice cracked a little as he spoke, but he straightened his back an intensified his glare on the Welshman, stepping towards him until he was no more than a few inches away. “Every time you were with me, touching me, kissing me, it was about her.”

“No.” Ianto denied it. 

“When we were together in your bed, rolling around in your sheets, clinging to each other until the early hours, you were thinking of her.”

 

“You don't know what you're talking about.” It was Ianto's time to sound harsh, and his lowered voice was stern and unforgiving.

“No?”

“Do you even know the hell I go through when I’m with you? Knowing that I’m with you when I should be caring for her?”

“Oh, yeah.” Jack laughed harshly. “That must have been just awful for you.”

 

“Sometimes I would be with her, tending to her and I would be thinking about you. I would hurry away from her to go and be with you.” Ianto took a step towards him. “At first it all started as an alibi as to why I was there, but as time went on you stopped being the alibi and you became the unwelcome distraction. There have been days when I almost forgot she was here at all.”

 

“That doesn't make anything better.” Jack turned away from the intensity of the Welshman's gaze. 

“I care about you Jack.” Ianto put his hand on the older man's face, willing his harsh gaze soften; it didn't.

“No you don't.”

“Why would I lie about this now?” Ianto asked. “What reason do I have to lie about that.”

 

“You called me a monster, you threatened to kill me and you want me to believe that you cared for me out of anything other than necessity?” Jack’s voice cracked and his face hardened to combat it. “I can't. I just don't trust anything you say to me any more.”

Ianto dropped his hand from Jack's face and the older man backed away, turning to walk towards the door. 

“Just tell me you care about me, too.” The Welshman's voice cracked a little as he spoke, echoing in the air for a while, his words hanging between them. “Please?”

Jack stopped walking but didn't turn to face him. “No.”

 

“So you don't care about me at all?”

 

“Right now I'm just trying not to hate you.”

Ianto waited for a moment before he responded. “And do you?”

“No.” Jack turned around slowly and walked back towards the Welshman. He thought about walking away, leaving him to continue clearing up his mess, but he couldn't. ” I should hate you and I'm trying to ask myself why I don't when I should want to fire six rounds into your head and make you disappear.” He closed the gap between them and stood so close that Ianto could taste his breath when he spoke. His eyes narrowed and became darker than Ianto had ever seen them; his jaw clenched and his hand clasped the back of his neck, pulling their heads to meet each other. “At one time I would make people pay when they crossed me. I could make anyone disappear that I wanted to with one squeeze of a trigger and I wouldn't even think twice.”

Ianto shook his head. “You're not like that Jack.”

 

“Not any more.” He looked into Ianto's eyes and intensified his gaze. “Why aren't you scared?”

 

“I know you Jack; your heart's too good.”

 

“You don't know what I've done in my life,” Jack said, lowering his gaze, “I really _have_ been a monster.”

 

“You're not a monster to me Jack. You can say what you want and try and scare me, but I know what you are.”

 

Jack pressed his lips against Ianto's, kissing him softly; he could feel the Welshman’s hands hold onto him, his fingers digging into his sides to keep him there. After a moment Jack backed away and dropped his hand from around his neck.

“ Torchwood rules and regulations tell me that I have no option but to withdraw you from duty and Retcon you for your actions.”

 

“Okay.” Ianto's voice cracked a little. “You do what you have to do.”

 

“It's Torchwood policy.”

 

“I would prefer you shoot me first sir. Torchwood regulations state that I can request that as an alternative.” Ianto slipped his hand into Jack’s holster and took out his Webley, pressing it into his palm. “End it because I have nothing else.”

 

“I'm not going to shoot you.” Jack put his revolver away, his fingers caressing Ianto’s face. “I won’t retcon you either. I should, but I won't.”

“Why?”

“You’re my friend.” Jack backed away. “Even if I don't trust you, you’re still my friend. And now you have to stand up and be part of the team you nearly destroyed. No more lies, or make no mistake I will wipe your memory and leave you in a gutter.”

 

Ianto nodded.

“Go home and stay there for a few days, you're suspended. Come back next week and don't cross me again.” Jack walked towards the door, then stopped. “Whatever was happening between us is finished. It should’ve never started; I'm your boss and at most I'm your friend, anything else between us we're just going to have to ignore.”

 

“You're not going to forgive me, are you?”

 

“Not today.”


End file.
